I’m really excited about my GREAT ESCAPE of 2014. I think about it excessively, and I’ve been talking a lot to Dr. Esporlas about it. I know that this is something that would fuel insane rumors from drug addiction, to a relationship with a professor (possibly even a female one), to committing a major violation. The list will go on and on and on. The old me would think about the horrible possibilities and would just stop considering it, but I think I now know myself a little better, and I might not care anymore.
I know that what I’m about to do can be considered borderline insane, especially for someone so close to graduating, but you know what?– I think settling for anything less than an awesome day constitutes far greater insanity. Truth is, I don’t like being the person I have grown up to be, living a life that I didn’t choose in the first place. It was my choice to do what I’m doing, but where I’m doing it is a completely different story. Gone are the days when I’d try to compensate the flat days with artificial forms of happiness, because I’ve now learned of the joys of simplicity.
I stared hatred and negativity right in the face, and looking back, it’s no way to live. I don’t want to participate in a very cut-throat competition for resources anymore, I don’t want to waste time anymore, I don’t want to be idle anymore. In a very wild attempt to be concise, I don’t want to be miserable anymore.
Oh, also, I’m through stepping on other people to get the illusion of being ahead. Being the bully gives off an unexplainable hormone rush that makes you just feel so powerful and cool, but once norepinephrine sets in, shame introduces itself, and you start to wonder why you needed that validation in the first place.
I feel the need to be somewhere filled with love, with people doing what they do not because they have to, but because they want to. A loving environment gives birth to little bundles of sheer passion– and that’s exactly how I want to roll.